Up until recently, I felt I existed in this odd game of smoke and mirrors.
Becoming this new person I didn’t know, while also being scared of... or maybe unsure… of how to leave my old self behind.
Sometimes, unsure I knew myself at all.
There were parts of myself I feared.
Anytime I got near them, these dark feelings that came with this immense pressure came over me.
Because I wasn’t sure who they would make me.
Or what they would make me.
Or how they would change me.
Parts of myself I feared, because I knew they sought to change me.
To grow me and stretch me.
Afraid because they’d gone untouched for so long.
Because I forgot myself for so long.
I wondered…”If I reveal them, what will I see?”
So instead, I mastered a facade.
One where I lived with two faces.
Afraid of the one that had become overgrown and unruly.
Afraid that one, may be incapable of loving.
I learned to move through life.
Only showing the one that had proved itself worthy of love.
Until I realized.
It was love I was afraid of….
Everyday I am becoming a new version of myself.
Everyday I am unsure of what that will look like.
Now I can remember myself.
Now I remember I am love.
Now I don’t have to be afraid of love.
Now is all we have.